Coming to you from the Live Music Capital of the World is tonight's episode of the American Idol auditions right here in Austin, Texas. Will this famous city be able to live up to its reputation? The stadium filled with roaring fans seems think so as they all yell "Don't Mess With Texas" in unison.

More than 5000 hopefuls lined up in the hopes of following in the foots of their fellow Texan, Kelly Clarkson, who became the first American Idol. It was hot outside and the judges were hoping that it was going to be just as hot inside once the talent started to audition and that Simon Cowell had cooled off.

First up in Austin was #53511 Julian Riano, 27 from Austin, TX who is a dancer who hasn't managed to be selected for a company. Paula gets him to do the splits and then Randy asks him if he is going to sing like that. He says no before auditioning with Lemon Tree and it hurts about as much as me attempting the splits would. Simon says that there are so many reasons why he's not right for the competition. Outside, he's still chirpy as he tells us to always follow your dreams as he skips off down the escalator singing On The Road Again .

Ryan Jokes that if they knew what was coming, the judges would hit the road too. #52900, Michell Lapoint, 27 from Austin, TX painfully puts us through her rendition of Lean On Me before she lost her words just as her number fell off. There was a slight pause before she asks if she needs to pick it up. A dumbfounded looking Paula just shakes her head.

Ryan then informs us that from there it just got stranger. #53119 Arthur Mayfield, 25 from Orlando, FL doesn't even get a note out and instead just dances and Donnell Bolton, 20 from Fort Worth, TX sounds like a squeeky cartoon character.

Next up is Paula's biggest fan #55896 Paula Goodspeed, 27 from Los Angeles, CA who has been drawing lifesize images of her since she was a child and is wearing an outfit inspired by her. Simon picks up on the similarity here. I can just see him not liking her at all. She auditions with Proud Mary and gets Randy giggling from the get go. Perhaps it's the braces. Perhaps it's the accessories. Simon says that there is a similarity. Paula is speechless. Randy says it was terrible. Simon asks how you're supposed to sing with a bridge in your mouth. It is a no all round and outside she goes ballistic. Inside, Simon asks how she got into the building and through the metal detector.

Ryan tells us that Austin has one of the country's largest student populations and a few of them have come out today dressed up as zombies, complete with fake blood. Wait for the pun... Ryan tells us that while outside there were undead outside, there were braindead inside.

#54252 Danielle Zamora, 16 from Austin, TX flatly sang Amazing Grace before #54231 Chanequa Jackson, 25 from Balch Springs, TX gets Simon asking her to stop the pain as she attempts Fire and Desire . #59320 Anisa Olaniyi-Oke, 21 from Austin, TX then sings Stay and gets told by Simon that even the out of tune notes were out of tune. You don't say! What a genius.

Our next segment "Curse of the Co-Eds" features a voice over that says "All over Austin, a strange force was taking over people, stripping them of the power to move like human beings. Forcing them to talk in strange alien languages. And most shockingly of all, to sing in hideous most unearthly voices" complete with black and white footage and fitting imagery. Perhaps our next contestant can break this deadly curse. Of course, it turns out he is a funeral director so the lead in was all just hype as we see him at his work place toying with embalming product. I guess this inevitably means he will be going to Hollywood. #52605 Jason Horn, 28 from Longview, TX ironically sings You Raise Me Up which gets a round of laughs out of the judges. His voice sounds a little too operatic for me but the judges like him. He's going through to Hollywood.

Vetinary assistant #52731 Cierra Johnson, 20 from Pflugerville, TX has an interesting song choice with O Holy Night and the first note is a bit strange and drastically goes downhill from bad to excrutiating. Simon apologises because thought she was actually going to be really good. Randy thought there were about 12 keys going on in there. Simon jokes that she should do Silent Night but without the night. Thinking she wants him to sing she starts again while the judges beg her to stop. It's a no and outside she says she'll be back. Meanwhile, Simon is mocking her inside saying that she sounded like the nightmare before Christmas. Cierra tells us that her album will be out soon anyway but she wont say any more so she doesn't embarrass herself on TV more than she already has. Oops. Too late.

The Austin auditions are beginning to fall apart as the contestants come out of the audition room one by one in tears as they get their marching orders from the judges. One contestant however, who has travelled a long way to be here, should manage the outcome much easier. On her flight from North Carolina, the plane she was travelling on blew a seal on a rear door so she was raced to the front of the plane and had to use oxygen masks while the entire plane were using their cellphones to call their loved ones that it might be their last conversation. #53697 Allison Schoening, 21 from Chapel Hill, NC sings In Another's Eyes by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood but stops when Simon starts laughing. It was pretty nerves sounding and Simon thought it reminded him of when his cat got his tail slammed in the door. Allison says she knew it sounded awful and so they give her 30 minutes to compose herself. Simon suggests she think of Randy in a swimsuit when she comes back but she says that she was already thinking of Simon in one. Randy gives her a high five and says it's the best comment of the day. Simon laughs it off and says it was a compliment. Paula says she's made her day.

While Allison waits, the no's keep coming. In the meantime we get to see a couple of people in the blue room telling us why they are here. Our next contestant, #56011 Ricky Hayes, 21 from Bedford, TX is a music major and is confident he has got the goods. Randy tells him that there's no pressure, but he's supposed to be good. He sings a beautiful rendition of I Can't Make You Love Me and Paula says he is beyond refreshing. Simon thought it was the nicest sounding voice he's heard so far. It's a unanimous yes.

Next up is #53504 Ashley Jackson, 20 from Dallas, TX who is a fit model. In other words, she tries on clothes to make sure they fit properly and gets paid for it. Did I mention she was blonde? She sings Something to Talk About and it's ok but nothing spectacular. Paula asks her to sing with her mouth shut. So she does and with her mouth closed, sings The Star Spangled Banner . Randy is in hysterics and Paula says she's the first person she's ever seen who can actually do that. Randy and Simon both agree that people would like her even though they don't think her voice is magnificent so she's going to Hollywood.

Introducing our next contestant, Ryan thinks that he loves himself more than Simon does. #53550 Ronnie "RJ" Norman, 21, from Tyler, TX has had heaps of people tell him that his voice is great and his personality is great and that they'd love him but before he auditions, he's trying to score as many phone numbers as possible. Now, how is going to win over the judges? He sings Ain't No Sunshine and Randy didn't like it and thought it was average and pitchy. Paula and Simon put him through to Hollywood though and he says that he'll change Randy. Simon says he hopes so but it wasn't the best audition so I don't know what Simon heard. I guess putting someone like Ronnie through just means the job of reducing the final number down to 24 a little easier. Outside, Ronnie is telling us that he didn't think he was flat at the end. He's already obnoxiously annoying and I can't see him lasting past day one in Hollywood.

#55798 Kevin Mitchell, 27 from Longview, TX is a Randy Jackson look-a-like and tells us that he's even signed autographs in Randy's name. Simon asks him if it helps get the girls and is surprised to hear that it does. Randy says he's his brother from a different mother but to hurry it along, Simon says they're looking for one big difference - does he have talent. He sings I Can't Dance and unfortunately, the judges don't think he can sing either.

Allison, who Ryan tells us had lucky escape in the air but crashed and burned in the audition room, is back for her second shot. She sings Proud Mary but you can still hear the nerves in her voice and it's just not up to scratch. They tell her it just wasn't much better than the first song.

Next up is another 16 year old. This time though, it's a guy. Can he join Lisa Tucker and Paris Bennett in Hollywood? #58581 William Makar, 16 from The Woodlands, TX has a voice far beyond his years when he sings Ain't Too Proud To Beg . Paula says he has a sweet voice but doesn't think he's ready for it. Simon quite likes him and thinks that the mothers of America will adore him and that his voice was a lot better than he thought it would be. Randy starts off sounding a little unsure, but he is off to Hollywood and becomes the youngest person from Austin to get through.

Ryan begins to wrap up the show and tells us that Austin hasn't been their best stop on the journey so far and pretends for a moment that perhaps they had saved the best till last. Unfortunately not. #52967 Tessie Mae Reid, 17, from Arlington, TX thinks should be a pop star but she looks absolutely nothing like a pop star. She says that Simon is going to love her the moment that she walks in and when she does, they play it in slow motion and the look on Simon's face says anything but love. Her audition song is Ain't No Mountain High Enough and it is simply awful. No personality in her voice. Just awful but the judges let her keep going. Simon says he wouldn't have chosen that song. Randy says he wouldn't have chosen any song. Paula asks why she put down that she sounds exactly like Avril Lavigne. Simon says he is going to be really nice to her and suggest a totally new career path which does not involve singing or performing. Tessie says that she thinks he is wrong. Simon says the whole thing was absolutely frightful. It's a no all round but Tessie thinks they are wrong. Paula, trying to be nice, says "We've been wrong before" but Randy is quick to point out that he's pretty confident they're not this time. Simon backs him up. As she walks out and says "I think you're missing out, I think you're really missing out" Simon, with his pen in his mouth, says "I really don't think I can do this any more" which gives Randy the chance to have another outburst of laughter.

Tessie walks out and tries to slam the door behind her but unfortunately it is spring loaded and barely moves. Her mother consoles her but inside the jokes are continuing. Simon says something about trying to stuff a sack full of potatoes and Randy keeps telling him to stop it.

Only 12 made it through from Austin, making it only marginally better than Las Vegas. Next week we're in Boston for the final auditions before 175 of the country's best singers will converge on Hollywood where the culling begins until we have a top 24.